


Batman V. Catwoman

by Bulmaveg_Otaku



Series: Darcy Lewis Crossover Bingo 2016 [9]
Category: Batman (1966), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Somnophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 13:28:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8802712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bulmaveg_Otaku/pseuds/Bulmaveg_Otaku
Summary: There aren't really words... you'll just have to read it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This one is a bit ridiculous people. All the silly, all the wacky smut.
> 
> originally posted on tumblr 3/24/16

“Don’t move, Batman! Or it’s lights out for you,” Darcy called from the balcony, one leg looped seductively over the railing. In her hand she held a pistol shaped like the hood ornament of a Jag, flashing and sparkling like an expertly cut diamond.

Below her, the man in the mask froze, his eyes searching her out in the gloom of the club. “Catwoman!” He declared with poignant surprise, the blue eyes narrowing in on her from behind his ill-fitting eye slits. “You’ve nowhere left to run. Come down now and turn yourself in.” His voice was deep, rich, and full of confident integrity.

“The only one who’ll be surrendering here will be you, Caped Crusader! I have you right where I want you!” She swung her other leg over the banister and dropped gracefully to the floor below, landing in a feminine, feline crouch. “I’ve been waiting a long time to get my claws into you, and now I have the purrfect plan to bring you to your knees!”

She waved the cat-gun in his general direction. “One shot with my catnip ray gun and you’ll be putty in my hands.”

**CRACK!**

The gun flew from her grip as a batarang knocked it from her hands and sent it spinning across the floor and under the stage platform that rose from the center of the room.

“NO!” She shrieked and dived for it, the friction-less spandex of her cat-suit letting her glide freely across the sleek lacquered floor. Unfortunately for her, the Batman had also donned his most slip and slide bat-suit that day.

**WHAM!!**

He slid into her side and sent her rolling, the two of them tumbling together until they came to a stop against a set of large, plush Moroccan style floor pillows.

She’d come out on top and she pinned his wrists over his head, her gloves, tipped with their razor sharp cat claws dug into the floor beneath them and pinned him in place.

**KRUNCH!!!**

“Curse you, Batman! Without my catnip Ray gun I shall have no choice but to kill you with my bare hands. You’ve certainly chosen a much quicker end for yourself, but it is much less satisfying for me. I was so looking forward to you calling me mistress and obeying my every whim,” she purred and rubbed her hips down his body until she was face to face with him. “If you wish to beg for your life, now is the time, kitten.”

“Never!” he cried and bucked beneath her. “I’d rather die than beg the likes of you for anything.”

She stared down into his blue, blue eyes and suddenly felt her determination falter. “Drat! Batman, can’t you see! I never wanted it to end like this! All I’ve ever wanted is to have you here, between my thighs, uh, I mean by my side. Why must you fight against me when we’re destined to be together!”

"I’ll never bend myself to your will! Do your worst!” He bucked between her legs again, rubbing his hips against hers.

“My, my, but you are a hard man to beat,” she simpered and leaned down to lick up the side of his neck and over the curve of his impossibly square jaw. He shivered underneath her and she grinned like the cat that got the canary.

“Holy sexual tension, Batman!” cried a voice from behind them. Darcy jerked up and narrowed her eyes behind her cat mask. The boy wonder, in all his green, yellow, and red glory stood with his hands on his hips, his pointed shoes turned out and his long dark hair falling over the curve of his black mask. “That pussy’s got you by the tail!”

“Fly away, little birdy, unless you want to be next,” she growled, and if the tail draped over her ass and thighs had been prehensile, it would have been twitching in agitation.

“Robin!” Batman shouted, his arms and shoulders and ab muscles straining as he struggled to free himself. “The magnetic pulse beam in your utility belt. Fast!”

Robin fumbled around for a second before coming up with small, round disk with a handle on the back.

**ZAP!!!!**

With a flip of a switch and a buzzing hum there was a pull and the metal nails in her gloves were yanked out of the floor and off of her hands, zooming over to clink daintily against his device.

**UNFF!!!!!**

His hands freed, Batman rolled them over, pinning Darcy to the floor, his hips pressing down between her legs. “Looks like this kitty just got de-clawed,” he quipped and grinned triumphantly down at her.

“Not again!” She yowled and struggled against his hold, but he was too much for her. “Please, Batman, have mercy. I never really would have been able to do you in. I’d much rather just do you, you know.”

“Silence, woman. Your wicked tongue won’t save you now,” he declared sharply.

Darcy licked her lips and rolled her hips against the front of his black briefs. “My tongue could probably do a lot more than sway you if you’d only let me show you,” she whimpered as she arched her back and rubbed against him.

“I know I’ve been a bad girl, Batman. Maybe you should see to my punishment personally,” she cooed, batting her eyelashes behind her mask.

“I- uh… That isn’t how the legal system works, Catwoman. You’ll be turned over to the proper authorities to await trial and judgment by…” his words faded out as she wiggled against him even more. “That is… Your crimes are very serious, and…” she bit her lip and pushed her chest up towards him. “I think its breast- uh best if I let the police handle you, uh, your case.”

Darcy pouted her lips out. “Are you sure you don’t want to handle me? Think about all those other men putting their hands all over me, touching me, giving me what I need…” she lifted her head and rubbed her forehead against the side of his face. “Is that what you want?”

“N-no, of course not, that’s not-,” he tried, but Darcy could feel him against her, hard and ready.

“Send your feathered friend away and I’ll show you just how sorry I am for being so naughty! I’m sure you can give me the kind of tongue lashing that will convince me to change my ways, repent of my sins, and turn over a new leaf,” she whispered against his ear before flicking her tongue over his earlobe.

She glanced to where Robin was standing, his jaw dropped in shock and his eyes wide. “Fly away, little robin.”

“Actually,” the Batman said, his mouth right next to her ear, “Robin likes to watch.”

“What?” Darcy asked, laying her head back against the floor and looking up in surprise.

“My sidekick. He likes to watch me punish wanton little troublemakers like you. It gets him hot,” he confessed, his voice sliding like silk over her skin.

Robin grinned then, and winked at her as he reached down to palm the bulge in his green speedo.

Batman rocked against her then, hard and urgent, rubbing against her in just the best way.

“Give it to her good, Steve,” Robin leered.

“Yeah, Steve,” she panted as he rocked against her. “That’s good. Harder, Steve.”

He thrust against her harder.

“So close, so close,” she meowed as her climax built. “Almost there, Steve, please,” she begged, eyes drifting over to where Bucky was stroking himself through his clothes. “So hot, Barnes,” she sighed, then looked back at the man working between her thighs.

“Darcy,” Batman Steve said, his voice quiet as he looked down at her.

“Yes! Oh, Steve, god yes! I’m going to come,” she moaned.

“Darcy!” Steve yelled a little louder. “Darcy, wake up!”

Darcy’s eyes flew open as Steve’s voice finally reached her through the really dirty dream she was having.

“Shit!” She swore and pulled her hand out of her sweat pants. She’d fallen asleep on Steve’s couch after marathoning 1960’s Batman with him all evening.

Any vague hope that he hadn’t noticed her somnophilia acting up was dashed when she looked up and found him red as a tomato and looking at anything but her.

“Oh my God, Steve, I am so sorry!” She gushed with embarrassment and put her face in her hands as she turned to sit up. “I don’t think I’ve done that since… I’m so embarrassed. It’s like a thing, a disorder or whatever. I can’t help it, but I’m so sorry you had to see that.”

It occurred to her that he’d probably heard her calling his name, too. Or Barnes’!

She felt like crying, but managed to blink back the burning behind her eyes as she stood and fathered her shoes and cardigan sweater. “I’m just going to go. Again, I’m so sorry!”

She rushed out and down the hall to the elevator.

“What the hell, brain!” She cursed at herself. Not only was her dream super messed up, but the timing of it…

“Damn you, Adam West,” she whispered and started banging her head against the elevator wall.

She might need to find a new job, and move. She’d never be able to look Steve or his friend in the eye again.

When the elevator opened, Steve was standing there, still flushed, though it looked like it was from exertion more that embarrassment now. “Darcy,” he panted lightly, not really out of breath, but almost.

“What the… Steve? How did you-?”

“Stairs,” he said, and then stepped in to the small box with her. “I needed to tell you I was sorry.”

“What!?” She gaped, shocked. “Why should you apologize? I’m the one who…” She swallowed hard. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But I did,” he confessed. “I should have woken you sooner, when you first started…making those little whimpers…in your sleep. But I didn’t. And then you started moaning, and your hand,” his eyes jumped down to her hips and then back up quickly. “I really should have woken you up then, but I was just so…surprised. I froze. I couldn’t help it, I… I watched you. I’m sorry. This is all my fault. I’m such a perv…”

Darcy actually laughed at that. “You, Steve Rogers, are not a perv. Trust me, as a genuine freak between the sheets perv, I think I would know if you were.”

“Would you?” He asked, licking his lips as he locked eyes with her and Darcy felt all the heat between her legs come roaring back to life.

“I-” she said, but couldn’t get any more than that out.

“What were you dreaming about, anyway?” he asked, taking a small step closer, mischief dancing in his eyes.

“Oh god,” she moaned and put her face in her hands. Captain America was going to kill her. “You really don’t want to know.”

“Maybe I do,” he argued, pulling her hands down and holding them in his. “I’m sort of interested in finding out how to get you say my name like that again.”

“Like what?” She asked, going for innocent, ending up with Jell-O-kneed arousal.

“Steve,” he moaned his own name, pitching his voice slightly higher. “Oh, Steve yes…”

“Fuck,” she whispered and bit her lip. That was really hot.

He leaned down and kissed her then, moving slow enough to give her time to object.

She certainly didn’t.

That didn’t mean she was ever going to tell him about that dream, though, or anyone else for that matter, ever.

She kissed Steve and tried not to picture him in black and grey spandex or a hood with purple pointed ears.

She totally, completely, epicly failed.     

 

**Author's Note:**

> P.S. I couldn’t have written this without inspiration from this ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XY_KZu-tnPk ) video clip, or some beta reading/guidance by @awwheartno


End file.
